Its amazing to me how you leave room to put two and two together but people's insecurities havent allowed them to. Either that or they have but they arent comfortable with it yet. Its like ive said all these things to build up to one thing sparatically but they have nooooooooo clue...or at least i dont think they get it.

Its almost as though ive said it has leaves, its tall, it has brown bark, and pine needles, it has deep roots in the ground, birds live in it, it has a significant smell, it has gumballs, it has many branches that spread far and wide, water keeps it alive, dirt surrounds its roots, it reaches the sky and shades the sun. But they have no idea im discribing a tree. Then i climb to the tallest mountain and then the tallest tree to find the most perfect branch to let them know that what kind and that it is a tree and they are still oblivious.

Either that or they know. I think they know but arent acknowledging it. Im dying to be more straight forward about it but i told them before. I dont know if they will see it in a different light or not. I dont want them to be even more reclusive. hmm.

Im not stupid, nor do i make stupid decisions. I weigh the consequence and see if its rationalized in my head. If it is than im fine. How i rationalize things in my head you only know the deep end of it if you ask. Its more than what i have said. Well i have said it all but in spurts. I might have had intentions to only do something with certain conditions but i rationalized it because for some reason it was worth it to me. Maybe, i thought a person would understand me in a different light. Maybe, they might see my intention. Maybe not.

God, I wish i could be more direct.